Why Women Fake Orgasms

Why women fake orgasms, and when they have no need to.

If a woman fakes an orgasm, the first thing to know about it is that she does it with the best of intentions. Just like everything else in this World happens “with the best of intentions”. But faking an orgasm certainly does not happen because a woman has a “dark, deceitful nature” – that is not the reason at all.

She, the woman, has several reasons for it, which were uncovered in one training laboratory.

Once, in a mixed-sex group on the theme “Male and Female Initiations”, this question came up as a topic for discussion and exploration. And the male part of the population at first reacted with protest to one participant’s admission, saying that she was wrong and that by doing this she was behaving dishonestly towards her man.
But then the women began to defend their “sister”, saying that practically all women at least occasionally resort, or have resorted, to this trick, and some even very often. The men were outraged and puzzled by this revelation, and wanted to believe that with each of them “everything, always” happens for real, and that no woman, meaning each one of them in particular, could ever fool him, and so there is no point in lying about it:

—But why do you do it? —came a man’s question from the circle.
—Well, we’re trying for your sake — the girl answered.

The group was heated by the topic, and so that the discussion would not be groundless, I proposed, turning to the women, to begin by demonstrating the phenomenon and discuss it afterwards. Who wants to? Naturally, without a man taking part, and without baring the body — we are talking about faking, after all. An ordinary laboratory exercise — so that it would be clear to the men what we are even discussing here. Some of the men were sure that they could certainly tell the genuine from the fake.

Two brave girls, not at once but eventually, dared to perform this feat for the good of humanity. With the lights dimmed, we saw two vivid performances on the theme. Beautiful, different and vivid. After which, in the silence that hung over the room, a man’s voice was heard:
— I seem to be starting to doubt myself as a… man, one young man said to the man sitting next to him, and they nodded significantly to each other. Thereby giving a high mark to the convincing imitation.

Well, good, now it is clear what question we are going to explore. To explore the motives of the phenomenon, not to argue about whether it is possible or not.

We’re trying for your sake — that was voiced as one of the motives. And if we remember that everything a person does for others, he does for himself, then behind such an answer we will have to look for the next, deeper reason. I will not go on to tell what happened in that laboratory, which ideas, feelings and tasks clarified the distortions in the relations between the sexes; for that it is better to come and take part.

But I will share the conclusions on the theme of the FEMALE REASONS FOR FAKING AN ORGASM.

I will begin at the end. To draw conclusions about the reason for faking, it is good to look first at the phenomenon of ORGASM itself: where it comes from and what it gives a woman.

A healthy situation.

An open femininity has a great deal of trust in the world around and in the self within. And that means that other people’s opinions do not affect her perception of herself and of the processes around her. The Fear of Being Judged — which is so characteristic of girls — has practically no power over her; she herself knows who she is and why; what happens, happens. Such a Whole Woman will naturally find herself in a couple with just such a Whole Man. And since there are not many such people, they experience each other precisely as the BEST. And what else can inspire such a peak state of pleasure so strongly as the awareness that your partner is the best.

When you are truly aware of your own worth, there is no situation in which the idea of neurotically “improving” yourself or the impression you make arises, actively and anxiously. A relaxed giving of the best — of oneself — to each other.

That is why a woman is natural, relaxed and, without thinking and without looking over her shoulder, is ALL OF HER in her “good”, and approaches a greater “good” when ALL OF HER is ready for it, and by no means before. She is whole.

When she doesn’t feel good, she easily and effortlessly withdraws, or moves away in space, without judgement or reproach, which allows the man, and herself, to feel her body more deeply.

It is precisely the language of the body – yes, precisely the body, less often conversation – that shows and helps her man to hear her, and to draw out of her the energy of this sweet, inspiring phenomenon, for both of them – the female orgasm.

Relying on her inner truth and purity, the whole woman ends up where she is meant to be and with the one who is proportionate to her. That is why, in a certain sense, these Women live in “paradise”. Hence the pleasure is full, abundant and long. In such Women, during Orgasm, there is not a grimace but a smile on the face. They EXPERIENCE it with the whole body, regardless of the epicentre of the phenomenon; the “ripples on the water” spread out, reaching the farthest corners of the body. A whole psyche and an orgasm through the whole body, at full height.

And then there are Women who live at War – these are the NOT-accepting women. First of all, not accepting themselves. Not feeling themselves perfect enough to rejoice in any feelings that are born within – living them freely on the outside. Such a Woman, from the idea that she is not yet good enough, takes even good events as undeserved by her. Lying low, hiding her background anxiety, such a woman is as if “at war”, because the world is hostile to her, and even if something good comes – she accepts it as a temporary, undeserved, almost “stolen” pleasure, remembering that “the enemy never sleeps”. Or they agree to a relationship with a man whom they do not fully accept – just as they do not fully accept themselves – and this does not let them relax and enjoy each other.

Controlling her non-acceptance, whether of herself or of his actions, a Woman cannot switch off her head, as though she is constantly going through customs and passport control in her own head, deciding how to “properly” let him know what she would like. And also: how to make him like her, so as not to lose him. She is sure that simply – being, natural, herself – will not be enough.

The thought of “not losing” is the main one in this drama, the one over which female pleasure stumbles.

A manipulator does not EXPERIENCE emotions but selects and demonstrates them. The same thing happens with orgasm in a woman who is not whole: she composes it and demonstrates it. Every woman has the partner she deserves. One who matches her inner honesty and ecological attitude towards her own processes; if she herself betrays and tramples her inner world, shutting away her true feelings, then her partner will not hear her needs either.

In such couples, at that moment, faking the female orgasm is the best solution, in which at least one of the two receives pleasure.

Natalia Valitskaya.