Love is the key, pleasure is the path

The author makes no claim to truth or to any other absolute truth of life. This is simply one more view, drawn from personal experience, one more point of view.

“The energy of pleasure
is the most powerful means
of drawing people to yourself”
– Lin Bao

A woman’s power lies in her perfection – in the deep perception and experience of her unconditional worth. A worth that need not be proved or fought for – it is already there. This is what sets the feminine universe apart from the masculine. Only in living this perfect (rather than half-finished) world do we make real contact with perfection, and that is happiness!

The most important thing on which a woman’s mission rests is a feeling of basic comfort, enough for primary pleasure. There is no sense of lacking someone or something there. There is no room here for ideas about the “wrongness” of the world (about current problems, bad people, a bad self). There are no “well-meaning” attempts to inflict good and cause benefit to yourself and others, to fight aggressively and “improve” yourself / your partner / the world.

So what awaits us then? Contact with being itself, with the famous moment of here and now, as with something perfect. Here acceptance of presence will happen, and gratitude to yourself / the man / people / the universe – and that is pleasure.

Perfection and pleasure are an endless resource, and that is where a woman’s power lies. A fruitful power is not the violence of a critic, but creation in joy and peace.

A friend of mine, a paraglider instructor, used to say: “With us, a beginner is never criticised, none of his actions is ever condemned – you can’t, or he will not fly.”
Paragliders are very gentle people, and a woman is like a paraglider in the sky. Without tender handling she will not open; with unsure action she will refuse. Gentle confidence is what a woman needs in her relationship with HERSELF!

Here acceptance begins, and when acceptance has materialised, presence arrives. And when there is presence, you can move on to creativity. Here awareness happens by itself and stops being merely a fashionable word. Then improvements in life will begin to happen not out of lack, but out of fullness. A woman’s actions will come not from fears, but from generous abundance and the impossibility of not creating. Then the events and people around you will be of the right “pleasure-able” quality.

True acceptance and love lie in the awareness of your own worth. After all, the world begins with you. With you – a Woman! From your “gift” of life to humanity – and we women would do well to learn this generosity from our own body during pregnancy. Pregnancy can be understood as a metaphor and as a literal act of creation. It is the key to a woman’s creating the beauty of life. It is the fertile soil in which children, a close man and she herself grow. In this state there is acceptance of your feelings, desires, sensuality, strength and your powerlessness. Accepting your powerlessness is itself gentle treatment of yourself and respect for your boundaries.

When there is acceptance, there can be no idea that something should be different (inside or out). Can you really think that what is here now could be other than it is? It is here and now! That is the power and beauty of the moment. And yet many women try to argue with life itself.

Trust in what is happening is trust in yourself. Allow your inner world to feel and to pulse, without dividing emotions into bad and good – simply live in them. Realise yourself, instead of thinking and fantasising about yourself and your life. Seeming and being are two very different things – and that is the basis of charisma, whose secret lies in inner truth and perfection, not in the aesthetics of outward display, in sincere contact with your own inner world.

To trust the processes of your inner world and not be afraid of it is to accept your power. The power of all vivid experiences, without exception. The power of your desires, urges and impulses. This is the beginning of a woman becoming a Woman. Instead of an appliqué there appears a drawing, and instead of glamour – naturalness and depth. Being a woman is pleasure. And this pleasure is living yourself in fullness of love and in trust in the world.

My inner world can be described very simply – Yes, to everything yes! Even if it is sadness, it is my sadness and it is perfect. If it is anger, it is beautiful – I accept myself in it. If it is tears – that is honest. I accept them, they flow easily, unsuppressed. I let the tears and the force of life flow through me as they are. Since I feel perfect, the world I live in is perfect too, and the people with me are the best, and our deeds are good, and our path is undoubtedly the right one. Mistakes and losses are impossible here, and if suddenly something in my universe resists – it means I am going the wrong way, and I will take the hint and be glad of it. I will happily choose another direction, or happily be sad, stop, take a pause, go into the depths, and then choose a different path. I can, I want to play with this – and you?

Often women ask me, as a psychologist: “How do I attract a man?” The answer is very simple: learn to enjoy. The stronger the pleasure, the more men will want to feel it together with you.

And what is pleasure? It is when You enjoy life,
when you do not eat an orange in one instant but savour its taste, rolling the juice over your tongue… When You are left alone with an apple… and let the whole world wait… When the brief rays of the sunset make you want to stop for a minute, for a second, and soak it in… When you do not just put cream on your body but dissolve in the sensations of touching your own body… When you “enter” a bunch of flowers with your nose and screw up your eyes with joy at the fragrance…

You must not limit yourself to pleasures that come only through men.
You must not deny yourself pleasure even if You are alone for the time being. You must not suffer because the paths to pleasure are closed to you, because there is no one right now who could give you pleasure. The path to pleasure begins with the little things you surround yourself with when you are alone. Pleasure begins with intimate little things, when no one sees you. What you sleep on, how you eat, how you savour a glass of water with lemon and honey, how you touch your feet with drops of oil scented with bergamot…

Your bed linen… the scent of your bathroom… a favourite film, even on your own… A beautifully laid table, even if there is no one to share dinner with. Evening shoes and stockings with suspenders, even if the farthest place you are going to shine this weekend is the kitchen and bathroom of your own flat.

To be feminine means first of all to stay that way when you are alone with yourself. To listen to music, to walk in nature – to give your body a drink of emotions and sensations. To throw out, to hell with them, worn-out bras and old things that give you no joy. To put on a string of pearls at home, and one more thing… get a manicure, for goodness’ sake! Decorate your bed with cushions and rose petals not some day when you have the perfect interior, but right now… and under the rose petals on your bed the perfect interior will arrive, and perfect sex, and perfect everlasting joy. Following the basic principle of attractiveness can bring you more luck than you can even imagine.

For some reason the women who know how to give themselves pleasure suffer most from having so few chances to be alone. There is always someone who wants / thirsts / desires to share it with you. Even if you have temporarily “shown everyone the door”. To love not out of a lack of love, clinging until it hurts, falling into dependence, but to love out of Abundance, when love spills over the brim, from the heart, from your eyes, and sparkles at the corners of your lips… A woman’s main task is to love yourself and the whole World with such a love…

Can this skill be developed?
– Yes! Just start enjoying your food, your cup of morning drink and your clothes… Everything that is not to your liking, put in a box and get rid of it… When You feel irritation and dissatisfaction, You multiply the misfortunes of the world.
You are a woman, you have enormous power. With this power you can create whole Worlds, but you can also destroy other people’s lives after your own…

Increase pleasure. Give pleasure to yourself and you won’t notice how you make the whole World more beautiful.

Think for yourself what attracts us to a romantic relationship with a man. Of course, that it can bring happiness and change for the better into your life. The man counts on the same. He too wants to see beside him a woman who can bring happiness into his life.

If, though, you tend to voice your displeasure on any occasion, to shower your chosen one with petty nagging and in every way to hurt his sense of dignity. If every conversation boils down to a stream of complaints about parents who don’t understand you, disobedient children, a dim-witted boss and an even dimmer friend, then your beloved would have to be simply a “champion of dimness” not to work out very soon that he will get no happiness from you!

Happiness is a magnet for love. What happens when you fall in love? You start to overflow with happy excitement! But happiness itself can also draw love to it. These feelings are like two inseparable friends: call one and the other comes running too. So to call love into your life, you need to learn to radiate happiness.

A happy woman is like a high-voltage electro-love generator – she generates around herself a field of high excitement. A person in this field falls in love far more often than in any other environment. And you, generating your own field of high excitement and inexhaustible happiness, turn into a living, attractive magnet that draws love to you.

How do you put this magnet to work?
– Very simply: start saying to yourself: “I am so happy with everything around me! I respond with joy to every person’s show of love, kindness and inner beauty! May this feeling of joy fill my whole life! I am happy that I live, breathe and feel the beauty of the world around me! What a wonderful day today! What a lovely tree over there, on the other side of the street! What a wonderfully interesting person I am talking to! What a charming baby in that woman’s arms! How he laughs! How happy I am that I can see, feel and be aware of all this!”

If at first you do not feel these feelings, it is only because your electro-love generator is not running at full power. Don’t be embarrassed and don’t give up halfway. Add inner energy to the words and very soon you will begin to feel the current of “high love voltage” in every cell of your body.

Happiness is a gift that should be shared with others. It happens when we show a person our sincere goodwill, encourage them in a hard moment, give them a little piece of our soul. The joy in the eyes of a loved one…

Compared with that, all the money in the world put together is such nonsense! When you are happy, people think there is something special in you that, unfortunately, they lack themselves. They want to be near you – perhaps simply to stand close by in the hope that a little of your happiness will pass to them too. People will never refuse to receive a piece of happiness from you as a gift, and not as a debt that must be repaid. Your generosity makes them think that you are delightful! And that really is so. Take the chance to become happy

And what if you do not feel happy?
– There can be only one way out: make yourself take on the necessary mood. Want to become happy. Radiate happiness with every cell of your body. Show it. Play the part of a happy person, even if you foresee no real reason to feel happy any time soon.

You will be happy!
Psychologists prove that if you can put on your face the smile of a happy person, you get the necessary state of mind, and then the real feeling of happiness won’t keep you waiting long. Learn to generate around you a field of high excitement, radiating happiness and the pulse of life everywhere you go. It is not hard to master this art.

You only need to

• walk a little faster than usual (after all, you are not trudging to Golgotha, you are hurrying after happiness);
• be in a state of expectation of happiness, as though it is about to roll in like a giant wave, sweep you up and carry you away;
• look not at your feet but around you, as if searching for someone – a kind wizard hiding somewhere nearby, waiting only for a minute to bring down on you a hurricane of boundless happiness;
• and then, be ready not to drown in an ocean of limitless happiness.

In each of us there are both masculine and feminine energies. A man gives – care, money, shelter. Masculinity shows itself in the way of giving. If he does not feel a returning flow of a woman’s love, he stops giving. A man needs a woman to LOVE him. Not to teach him, not to bring him up, but to ACCEPT him.

Femininity unfolds in acceptance. She must learn to accept his decisions, his reactions, his essence. A woman’s ability to accept her man without argument develops the man’s ability to give his strength to the woman. A woman’s love consists in accepting the man, and such emotional energy is a virtue.

Tenderness, humility, respect, tolerance – these four energies teach a man to live through magnanimity. A protective field forms around him, whose strength is life’s aspirations and success. If a woman has these energies, the man becomes magnanimous and a protective energy shell forms around him: career growth, success in life, emotional balance.

Modern women carry too much masculine energy. They have unlearned how to love with the heart / feelings. Love has begun to come from the mind. Girls try to choose a husband not with the heart but with the head: he earns well, he has property of his own, he will be a good father…

The energies women need for the continuation of the family line have changed: the woman has begun to give as well, showing excessive care for her son and getting in the way of his masculine qualities showing; for her husband, becoming not a wife to him but a mummy. These are masculine ways of creating with the mind. All this affects the exchange of energies between man and woman. This is often exactly why a great many disagreements arise in a couple.

The main expression of Femininity is acceptance.
The ability to accept a man in all his manifestations. This does not mean humbling yourself before him. It means being able to wrap him in life force, in unconditional love, from which he will draw his strength and give the woman still more of his creativity, his victories, his joyful achievements.

– Natalia Valitskaya, evolutionary psychologist