Seminar “Me and My Shadow” / February 2012

“The first step of the journey to my true self was getting to know the Ego. The hunt for the Ego in the mountains turned out to be very fruitful; I managed to see the games this little beast likes to play, the reasons it likes to invent just to stay in the comfort zone and keep the familiar surroundings. It was precisely after the trek in the mountains that I learned that besides the Ego there is another part of me, which is much bigger than the little beast: the animal Shadow. I understood that I can do much more than I think of myself when I cross the boundaries of my ideas about my abilities, and this gives a powerful resource.
Before the training I was at a standstill, outside life, where I felt a helpless victim of circumstances; now I feel alive, spontaneous, natural, able to act boldly and to decide for myself what to do and how to live.
As my supports I will take with me the image of my Shadow, the inner Slave and Master. I will leave behind for ever my old beliefs and ideas about myself and my abilities.
My big goal is to clear my consciousness of harmful programmes and to help others move in this direction.
Enormous thanks to Tngoo, Legretta, the group and the space, and of course to Koshka and Ira!
Thank you for being, I love you!!!
Depraved Cat ;)”

“I saw that Tengoo is not evil at all. The vivid events that transformed me were: “Slave and Master”, the “Flower” practice, “Masha and the Bear”, holotropic breathwork with blindfolded eyes, the first breathing process, the horon and Tengoo’s onslaughts, for which I am grateful. I will take with me myself – simple, new, alive, open. I will take the kindness and openness of the participants and the hosts. I will leave behind arrogance, tightness, loneliness, fear, the desire to pretend to be something.
I have become different. Thank you so much. I am very grateful to you.”

“The most longed-for thing (as it seemed to me then) was finally to cry it all out, to get rid of the lump in my throat, the burning in my insides. The first vivid event was the sharing of the first morning, after the breathing practice, when I finally broke through (in every sense) and little lumps of resentment, anger and fear began to surface. It was wonderful. I felt like a small abandoned child. So much nonsense had been sitting in my soul until then. A little creature (22 according to her passport) was waiting for protection and care from her mother. Legrita became the mother. She took such care, comforted and protected her cub. Being in the state of a small child who is very much loved is perhaps one of the most beautiful things in this life. It’s time to grow up.
The trek in the mountains and the near-despair at my own powerlessness, the joy of reaching the goal and then going back down again turned out to be a vivid experience for the body.
The practices pushed us to the extreme without any breaks. The day of slavery and mastery, of submission and domination settled the eternal question “Will I be able to…?”
The mystical ball night turned out to be permission to be.
I found in myself a cunning manipulator. There are manipulators and there are players. Players are stronger than manipulators. The theme of the masculine and the feminine, which I had given no thought to at all, turned out to be the most important one for me in this mystery.
I will take with me the joy of living through feelings: love and pain, tiredness and curiosity. I will take the images of Legrita and Tngoo as two poles – the soft feminine and the confident masculine. I will take with me the images of two successful people.
I was scattered, aimless, frightened, clinging to the old. Now I feel able to act, to accept and to provoke change.
Here I will leave my fear of strong men, of the uncontrollable course of events, the feeling of being abandoned and unwanted. I leave the competition for a place in the sun. It is mine anyway. I can enjoy it.
I want a family with trusting and equal relationships with a strong man, with whom I will grow up”

“What will I take with me as new supports, skill, picture, name? My big goal beyond the limits – Trembling of the heart. My wonder and delight at the world and at myself in the moment of opening my eyes after a day in the dark. My first natural, spontaneous, sensual play of the shadow of Rascal-Gorynych and “Applaud me!” What will I leave here for ever? Beliefs, the fear of sex and of women. I was a tower of values, a coward in my castle of comfort, of imposed values about men, sex, evaluation, forms of address – “you” (informal), “you” (formal), “we”. I have become sexually active, charming, unprincipled, relaxed. I feel self-sufficient; I realised how I thirst for acceptance and support and how I fear it. I have become a wizard.”