Shamanic Camp / May 2010

Bogdan Gura. A Mystical Experience

A report on the shamanic camp in the Carpathians, 20–23 May 2010

How was it? – Amazing! I received a mass of impressions and experiences, and a colossal, precious and irreplaceable experience and feeling. In three and a half days I learned more about myself than in 25 years of life, and a great deal more will have to be re-realised and rethought over some time. I received an enormous lesson thanks to all the participants of the camp, to the mountains, the forests, the house, every tree and every stone, each of which was my teacher and friend. I went to the camp for my Power, and thanks to everyone I realised that I myself am power. My mind and my body are only a part of all of me, which open and get to know me little step by little step; that there is nothing outside me, and the mountains and the rivers and the morning mist and the wise tree and the frightened fawn and the wild fern and the spotted salamander – all of it is – Me. Who is lonely, then? Who is cut off from everything, when everything around me is alive, close to me, everything supports, teaches and helps me, and also loves me as a little part of itself! That is why I write on behalf of the whole world, of which I am a little part…

The journey began on the platform of the Kyiv railway station. All the problems, business and worries of that social life stayed there, in the city. When I stepped onto the step of the train, a different life began, a different role. That role, that mask which people in the ordinary world knew, stayed in Kyiv. I was no longer Bogdan Gura, Bodya, somebody’s son, somebody’s friend (or enemy). I was preparing for a new role in a new tribe. I lived for myself, learned to be in every moment, beginning with the train, totally. In all my totality. Free Wind (a shamanic name, SN) was delayed. He had had some hitches at work. I knew, I felt, that he would make the train. As usually happens in his life, he leaps onto the train at the very minute of its departure. I was not worried. On the platform in front of the train I met Forest Apple Tree (SN). She was looking out, searching for the familiar faces of our group. I knew her from the Fairy-Tale City (an ethno-esoteric festival); though I did not remember her, her face looked familiar to me. I said hello first. A couple of minutes later Talent-Connector (Natalia Valitskaya) and White Harrier joined us. A minute later Storm Lord came up too. All that was left was to wait for Free Wind. Talent-Connector suggested taking our things onto the train, handed out our tickets and led the group to the carriage. I stayed standing by the entrance. Free Wind was due to fly in any moment. He told me by phone that he was already at the station and would fly onto the platform any minute now. Five minutes later all six of us were sitting in the train and getting to know the rest of our group. We switched off our Mobiles and got ready for an amazing adventure. Almost at once everyone went off to their bunks, having only talked a little in pairs about some of our social affairs. In the morning a new life began, a new game, a new role…

We arrived in Lviv early in the morning, on Friday. At the station we were joined by All-Consuming Yan from Odessa, Dream-Guider from Lviv, Desired Woman, Black Lynx, and Dancing Cougar, who had come from who knows where and turned up as timely as could be. We were met by Watching Calm, who headed our group, our new tribe, which for now consisted of twelve people. His qualities, his good nature and strength struck the eye at once, his actions were confident and strong, the qualities of an organiser were noticeable immediately and something else besides… I watched him, just as he watched me. When our eyes met, it was a mirror reflection of appraising, observing eyes. Naturally, back at the station I understood that this was the man who organises the FART festival, and I already knew his social name, but I did not let on. We reached our destination at half past eleven in the morning, the village of Skole. We were met by the warm, hospitable and kindly lady of the house in which places had been booked for us for three days, with food and lodging. At first Free Wind and I did not much like that everything had been decided for us in advance, paid for, and we were presented with a fait accompli, but then we accepted this basic arrangement and just began to enjoy what there was. Half an hour later the hostess called us to the kitchen on the lower, basement floor of the house and fed us deliciously with borscht, and porridge with jam, and tea. At lunch we all introduced ourselves and each told something about themselves, their social name and what each of us had come to this Camp with and what for, what we would like to find or acquire at this training. Almost everyone who had come said one and the same thing, only in their own words. I felt the strength of every participant, their wisdom and knowledge, their readiness to part with it in order to learn the new. The depth of every member of the tribe amazed and inspired me, and of course I was immeasurably happy and grateful to fate for the happiness granted to me of being with all of them in one tribe. After lunch we went up to the Hall, where I spread out my straw mat. The whole tribe liked it and it served as an excellent decoration of the Interior. We settled around it, each choosing their own place. The lady of the house, Gift-Bringer (the name she chose for herself after interacting with us), lit the fireplace for us, since it was rather chilly in the house. Watching Silence and Talent-Connector opened the space of the seminar. Our first task was to imagine everything, the whole house and all the people in it, as objects and to explore them, to feel everything that we touch, handle, sniff, feel with our fingers, as if everything in this world were new to us, and then, at the sound of a bell, to gather again and tell our impressions and experiences. The bell rang, and we wandered off round the house, feeling, fumbling, stroking, sniffing everything that drew us and that came our way. The whole house began to be inspected and sniffed by twelve beings who seemed to have only just been born into the world and knew nothing yet about the world around them, and had only just begun to explore it. The house lived, rattled, rang, everything rustled and stirred. Everything came into motion. The mats and the flower petals were felt over, the fireplace and the pictures on the walls were sniffed. The piano played and the little boards of the staircase creaked. Every corner of the house felt the attention of twelve pairs of hands, eyes, ears and noses. Forty minutes later the bell rang, and we gathered again in a circle, and each told their impressions and experiences of the process. At the very beginning we had agreed that if anyone said the words “as if”, or generalising words, they would squat down, clap their hands and say aloud – I am. So when we were sharing our impressions of the process, nearly every participant squatted, and we understood how little awareness there still is in us, especially in our speech, if we utter so many words without realising and without noticing it. After a fifteen-minute break we gathered again for the next practice. It was the practice of vertical flows. The flow of energy that presses on us from above, which we call gravity, and the flow that comes to meet it, from below, from the earth, which could loosely be called levitation. These two flows meet in the earth at a depth of 2300 metres. Physicists call this point the point of zero gravity, because there the force of the energy flow from above is equal to the force of the counter-flow of energy from the planet’s core below, and a person’s body weighs half of what it does on the surface. This is the breath of the planet, which proves that it is as alive as everything in the universe. On the in-breath we scooped up the energy of the earth and raised it vertically up our spine; on the out-breath we scooped up the energy of the cosmos and lowered it down the spine. In my vision the energy of the earth appeared as a reddish-brown, ginger colour, and the energy of the cosmos as blue, sky-blue. At the place where they met – in the centre of my belly – they curled into a sphere of blue-violet. This sphere grew and grew until it filled all the space. The music ended, and the second stage of the practice began. With our eyes closed we began to look for partners and share energy with them, to share ourselves with everyone. I was full of strength and energy. An energy ball shimmering with all colours, in the centre of which I stood, filled all the space around me. I shared this energy with everyone who was near me, as if each of them were some part of myself. I felt a certain embarrassment inside when I hugged a man, thinking at first that it was a woman. The flow of my energy was impersonal and indifferent to everyone, and all the participants of the process were perceived as clots of energy, but the mind still went on functioning and distinguishing male and female vibrations, and I felt very awkward inside when I mistook a male energy vibration for a female one, but understanding that it was only the fear of my mind, I carried on with the dance of energies. The third stage was the stage of singing the deep sound A, sounding it as low, as deep as possible. Holding hands and forming a circle, with our backs turned to the centre and our faces outward, we imagined how in the centre, behind our backs, a huge ball of our common energy unfolds and fills with the energy of our sound. This ball grew and filled up. Being in the practice, I felt that Watching Calm stepped inside the circle and added energy to the sound of each participant, pushing energy through the centre of the belly of each of us with his hands. I felt this push and the strengthening of the vibration of the sound I was making. The ball filled first the whole room, then the whole house, and in the end it grew beyond the horizon and filled all space. After this fifteen minutes of sounding we sat in silence, each in their own experience, in their own nirvana, on their own island of Tonal. When we gathered again in a circle, each shared with everyone their impressions, their experience of the process. And again everyone squatted at unconsciously spoken words, but all were pleased with the depth and power of the practice we had been through. We were happy. I was happy.

The third practice that day was a practice with blindfolds. Free Wind and I became a pair. I trust him more than anyone, he can be trusted and we have known each other since childhood, besides which we are brothers. All the participants divided into firsts and seconds and wandered off to different parts of the room. The first task was to find each other’s hands, with sleeves rolled up to the elbows. I found Free Wind at once, I would not mistake his energy for anyone else’s. We burst into dance to the music; he showed what movements, what dance he wanted to dance with his hands, and I automatically adjusted to his dance and his rhythm, feeling and foreseeing his every next movement. I did not think, I simply caught the rhythm of his movements and moved according to the dance he led. I trusted Free Wind absolutely. There are few people in the world whom I could trust like that. I adjusted to the rhythm of the dance in which his hands danced. Our pairs were changed, and the next task was to explore the hands of our new partner, to memorise them, and when we were separated again, to find the same hands in the crowd. I studied the energetic, emotional-sensory imprint of the hands I was holding. Without a doubt, they were a woman’s hands. One felt in them tenderness, kindness and care. A light, personal emotional-sensory shade of these hands, which I cannot describe in words, can be compared to smells. Just as a dog remembers every separate smell, so I remember the sensory, spiritual vibration of a person, a tree, a stone, a stream, and the longer I am in contact with it through my sensations, the better I remember this personal spiritual vibration and the less I will mistake it for anything else. I do not know whether I managed all three times to find the same girl, only the leaders of the training know that, since they watched everything that was happening, but it seemed to me, both at the beginning and at the end, that it was the same girl, all three times. And when at the end we wrote words on each other’s backs, I wrote – tenderness, kindness, love, trust, mutual understanding, mutual support. I understood for myself that reciprocity and depth of feeling are for me the main criterion for choosing a girl. By sensation, by touch I can determine the character, the manners, the emotions and much else that I am not conscious of, of the person I am touching with my hands. I cannot describe the whole spectrum of information received about a person after a touch, but to remember their individuality, to mark it, classify it, understand their depth, experiences and feelings – this I can do and always do. Perhaps I impose my own templates and inner judgements on those I look at; my mind has its inner stereotypes, which it is not at all easy to get rid of. After the practice one more person joined us – Colourful Path. We held a practice of finding our name. Talent-Connector led a meditation, something like a trance, where each one communicated with their inner teacher and asked for their name. Each one’s name came in one way or another. My teacher looked like an Indian. He called himself Raven. “What is my name?” I asked. “Ni…” Raven answered. “Ni… what?” I asked. I did not understand the answer. And then I saw a huge roaring waterfall, and heard his answer – Niagara… When I shared my vision with the tribe, my name was not accepted in the form in which I had heard it, but the name that came from the result of my vision was accepted and approved by the tribe. Mighty Waterfall – that was how my new name sounded in my new tribe. After the practice Gift-Bringer called us to supper, which was waiting for us, already cooling on the table downstairs. We ate deliciously and merrily and had fun playing with our new names at the same time. I felt cheerful and happy, feeling the warmth and support, the deep wisdom of my new pack…

After supper we went into the forest. It was half past ten in the evening. A dark forest, no torches. Each on their own and in complete silence. We meet only on the ridge of the mountain. The heart beats with excitement, in anticipation of an amazing adventure. In the centre of the hara the heat of power blazes, calling me forward, to the summit, first. And I ran. Ahead of the whole group – only so can I be alone with myself and the forest. In the centre of myself I felt a mighty call – Do you want to receive your power? Then go and take it! It is waiting for you at the top of this mountain. The whole forest, every tree and every stone, supported and encouraged me. A great goodwill and spiritual support, energy support, was felt from everything around me – the forest, the sky, the mountains, the birds – everything was ready to come to my aid and give me strength. The slippery, dark forest road did not stop or slow me in the least, but on the contrary lent me strength and speed. Every leaf in this forest encouraged and inspired me. In complete darkness and complete silence, I abandoned myself in trust to the force that led me and simply watched the experience that was happening to me. I ran up to the summit like lightning, and asked the forest what I should do next. I asked it to become my teacher that evening, and it accepted my request. We communicated wordlessly for a few minutes, and then it began to give me signs. A puddle and a log blocked the way forward. “That’s not the way for you.” I heard the whisper of the forest. I looked round and saw a little clearing – this way. A little back. In the clearing I listened again to the signs of the forest – there, a little further back, are some light spots lit by the moon; next to them is your place of power. I went there, and near this place I saw a huge tree whose trunk could only be circled by four people holding hands. Eight trees grew out of it, at a height of three metres from the ground, and between them there was a hollow. I leaned against the trunk, and a breath of tenderness, kindness, care and affection wafted over me. “What shall I call you?” I asked. “Call me Mother of Trees,” she answered. “Climb up to me.” It was three metres up to the hollow, and below there was not a single branch, not a single ledge. I walked round the tree and did not see a place to climb up. “There’s a stick hanging on me, take it and lean it against that edge over there. You will climb up by it,” I heard the sign. So I did. And in three minutes I was already at the top. “Mighty Waterfall! Where are you!” I heard Watching Calm’s shout from below. “I’m here!” I called back from above. “Wow, you’ve climbed up there, you’ve found an excellent place. Your place.” “I know,” I answered. “It called me. I will stay here for a while, as long as I need, and then I will come down and join you.” “All right, agreed,” answered Watching Calm and went away. I began to communicate with the trees. I leaned against each trunk in a circle and we each shared our story. Then I felt a powerful call from the Mother of Trees to leave here all my fears, all my weaknesses, everything that stops me achieving my goals, in order to let in the power that I needed. And I had a catharsis. I howled, wept, whined. Everything that had accumulated over many years came out of me. There was a lot of everything. Resentments, fears, laziness, stubbornness… When I was freed, I heard a sign. I rummaged in the hollow and found a few acorns and a couple of twigs. I gathered them and put them in my pocket. “Time to go down,” I heard the call of intuition inside me. I climbed down, took a couple of steps – and again the voice of intuition – “you forgot to do something.” I forgot to say goodbye! I went up, embraced the Mother of Trees in farewell, and felt myself filling with her strength and power, as the strength and power of the Mother of Trees poured into the space freed from weaknesses and imperfections. That is how – I realised at that moment – by not finishing the process to the end, by forgetting to say goodbye, I had almost left without that for which I had come here. Filled with power I ran down, to our people. I heard claps and clapped my hands in reply. We met, waited for the others, and just as silently, in silence, as we had climbed up, we wandered back to the house. In the evening we all steamed merrily together in the sauna and each told their own story. So our first day ended.

Day Two

In the morning I woke to the ringing of a Tibetan bell. As soon as I said good morning, I was immediately pointed to the mouth, to make me understand that we had a morning of silence. Last evening I had missed the moment when everyone agreed to keep silent all morning, and now I was a little bewildered, but after a couple of seconds I realised and joined the game. It was interesting to watch everybody. The only methods of communication were gestures and facial expressions. Only Gift-Bringer, the lady of the house, and our masters – Talent-Connector and Watching Calm – spoke. They spoke only to the point, guiding the process. At the ringing of the bell we went outside for a meditation of vertical flows. I began to wander about outside with my eyes closed, looking for my special place, where I would feel good and which would be maximally open to me. When I found my place and stood as was most comfortable and best for me, I grounded and aligned myself – the music came on and the meditation began. At first everything repeated as the time before. The vertical, brown flow rose on the in-breath upwards from the earth, and the sky-blue flow on a powerful out-breath descended downwards, into the earth. When the music began to fade, I tuned in to the completion of the practice, but then it went round again. I stood without moving, simply watching the situation. At that moment I remembered the practice of the tree and began to do it. I aligned my spine, legs, arms, knees. I imagined how roots shot out from my feet deep into the earth, penetrating through soil, sand, clay, deep into the dark energy centre of the earth, and having scooped energy from there my attention returned like lightning up the roots to my feet. I imagined how my legs, from the feet, were covered with bark, turning into the trunk of a tree, then I was overgrown up to the knees, then to the waist, to the chest, then I turned into a tree entirely. I became a tree. From the crown of my head a mighty crown of branches burst into leaf, strewn with green leaves. My whole body from my feet to the crown of my head became a mighty and thick trunk. I watched myself from above, from a bird’s-eye height. Beside me many other trees rustled, and all the space from horizon to horizon rustled with many different trees. Before my gaze stood a mighty forest, rustling and calling to itself in different voices. The vision did not last long. I came back into the body, into the present moment, and continued the work with the flows, which was still going on. Now another picture appeared to my imagination: our whole group suddenly became a tribe of Indians, with feathers in their long hair, red-skinned, tanned, with war paint on their faces and various adornments on their bodies, but with absolutely clean and bare hands, with which we scooped up, raised and lowered the energy of the flows. We stood around a big fire, all men, and it was a ritual dance before a hunt or some battle. We charged ourselves with the energy of the flows, the energy of the fire and the collective energy of one another. We were one great force, one with all the surrounding space and the whole world… I returned to the body, to the moment here and now, as the music began to fade. Everyone was already relaxed and standing without moving; I felt it even before opening my eyes. I simply stopped, froze, and began to observe my state. I felt calm and peace, my breathing became quiet and calm, and my body became filled with a light, quiet but strong energy. We returned to the house. Gift-Bringer called us to breakfast and we went down in silence to the dining room. At the meal we were joined by one more new participant of our shamanic trek – Open Heart. Having breakfasted in complete silence, only now and then exchanging a few gestures and expressions to let the others know what we wanted, at the ringing of the bell we ended our silence. Watching Silence asked us to come up to the hall in five minutes for the announcement of our work and task for today. Having gone up to the hall and sat in a circle, each in the place that suited them better by its energy than all the other places, we listened to Watching Calm about the trek across the Carpathians that lay before us today, about the techniques and practices that we would carry out today. Watching Calm gave us fifteen minutes to get ready, after which, with our small bags and sleeping mats, we gathered in the hall. I took my big bag and packed into it my things and Free Wind’s. We two decided to take one bag between us. Having piled into a Minibus, we drove along rural mountain roads. From the windows of the vehicle a breathtaking panorama of the Carpathian mountains opened before us. Smoke stood over the forests. It was simply mist, but it looked to everyone as though the forest were on fire. We argued for a long time whether it was mist or whether the forest had really caught fire, but logic said that in such damp the forest could not catch fire. The mountains blocked the sky, the horizon, even the rays of the sun barely made their way through the mist, thick as milk. We had already been driving for about thirty minutes. A small village, a narrow path above a precipice, little village houses. On a lawn in front of a house a young cow was grazing. She was untethered, and so, as soon as our bus passed her, she ran after us out of curiosity, lively delight and interest in us. Since our driver did not wish in the least to indulge the curiosity and whims of cows, she did fall behind us, having run after us a good hundred metres and realising, probably, that she had already gone far enough from home, or simply tiring. Having turned my attention from the cow I looked out of the window, and gasped, and my heart leapt with delight at the spectacle that had opened up. Opposite us towered a proud and solitary rock, quite unassailable and commanding. With its whole appearance it showed us that it was the queen of these parts, and that there were no peaks more worthy of attention and love than she. On her spire, like a crown, a stone outcrop was displayed, which from afar looked like a little house with a carved roof. Even from the window of the bus I attached an energy thread of will and my intention to climb this mountain. I already saw our whole group there, on that summit, standing next to her crown. I pointed to her with all joy and delight to Free Wind and Watching Calm. “We will go there,” answered the master. We got out of the bus, sent it home and went with our rucksacks towards the rocks. I put on my enormous rucksack first, telling Free Wind that I would give it to him to carry when I got tired. It only looks heavy, but fastened on the back and at the waist it is very comfortable and light. We called it the rucksack of power. And indeed, whoever carried it felt stronger and more confident, because in this way he got rid of several personal stereotypes about the weight of a burden and its being a hindrance on the way. Having climbed a little way up we entered quite remote places, where ordinary tourists do not go at all, and those who do go are looking for very unusual, wild places or places of power. The first rock grew up instantly and unexpectedly. Not even having prepared to meet such wild and unsurpassed beauty, I stopped for a rest. The top of the rock towered above me by some four metres. On the left side there were thickets and a path going up, uphill. On the right, along the sheer slope of the mountain, ran a small ledge, which also led up. Our group had already begun to go round the rock on the left. That was safer and easier and it was right. But not for me. I need drive and risk. My inner manifesto continued. Watching Calm had also advised us to listen to and trust our inner centre, and also the signs which the world sends me. I went along the ledge. A splendid view opened out below. On the left in the rock there was a cave. It was quite spacious, and if necessary one could spend the night in it. The ledge over the abyss was not very long; having gone only some five metres along the rock I found myself on the summit. The group was already here. They had climbed up a few minutes earlier. Since the ledge ended in a dead end, and in order to climb out I had to get up onto a rock that came up to my chest, which with a rucksack was somewhat problematic, Free Wind, as always sensing such moments, ran up in time to help me. I handed him first the rucksack, and then he helped me climb out too. At once, with delight, I began telling him what I had seen there and about the cave located below. But then I noticed the beauty that had opened before us. Watching Calm began to speak and tell us about these mountains. These rocks, unlike others, are securely hidden from curious tourists. Hardly anyone gets there except local villagers, who do not particularly need them either. Such inconspicuous, hidden rocks inspire more than the famous and prominent peaks. They held strength and power. We wandered about the mountain, trying every little stone and each looking for their own place. I saw a small Patch of ground above a precipice and went to it with delight. I stood with open and outspread arms, like a bird soaring in the sky. Beneath me a chasm opened. Far below stood the tops of trees, and a stream flowing through the gorge. Opposite me, on the other side of the gorge, rose She. The very beauty, the queen-mountain. I soared in thought over this canyon and enjoyed my state for another minute. When I came down from this ledge several more people decided to stand there and get a portion of delight and enjoyment from standing at the edge of a precipice. Watching Calm gave the signal, and we, snatching up our rucksacks, moved on. Having gone down a little along narrow rocky paths, we entered the forest. We walked in single file, one after another at a distance of a metre from each other. I brought up the rear. Two hundred metres later we came out into a large clearing. Watching gave the command for a rest, and we, throwing off our rucksacks, gathered in a circle and listened to the speech of our guide. Watching Calm led us back through the forest to the canyon where we had been a couple of minutes before, and gave us ten minutes to explore these rocks, to find caves for a possible overnight stay, to find places of power, springs, and everything that would occur to us to find here. In complete silence, each for themselves. After that, ten minutes later, we would cross to the other side of the canyon, going round it along the top, and if we wished we could climb the queen-rock. We scattered and like children explored every place, every nook and cave, every outcrop and peak. Dream-Guider tried to capture our every moment on his camera. All-Consuming Yan looked for mushrooms, of which there turned out to be quite a lot here. I rummaged through every nook and every little cave out of curiosity. I was curious about everything and was simply carried away by this game. Free Wind and I had wandered quite far apart and each enjoyed their own impressions. Half an hour passed like this and I had already become a little worried. It seemed that nobody but me was burning with the desire to climb the queen-rock. I was a little upset, then cheered up, and feeling my strength, confidence and determination I began to look for ways to cross to that side of the canyon. I detached from thoughts and turned my attention to the feelings I was experiencing at that moment. My inner strength led me; at every moment certain signs turn up on the way, which are unambiguous, and relying on my strength, following the signs, without thinking and without doubting, I went exactly where I needed to go. I was in a feeling of joy, delight and anticipation of something very unusual. My feet go by themselves, as if it were not their first time here, and they know perfectly well what to do and where to go. I ran down, first to a stream of clean mountain water, which flowed from somewhere up in the peaks of these mountains; having jumped over it I found myself on the other side of the canyon from my group, right at the foot of the queen-mountain. I greeted her and she called me. I stood at a fork. Several paths went off in different directions, going round the rock. A light sign, a subtle feeling and the whisper of the rock showed me the right path. And with still greater excitement, delight and desire I ran up this path. I ran to the end of the path, and here disappointment awaited me. I was at the top of the mountain, but the queen-rock rose another five metres above the mountain. There was a sheer slope there, which it was impossible to climb without a rope and equipment. I turned about, looked for ways, and the more closely I looked the more despair crept into my heart. I heard the voice of Watching Calm. He had noticed me and was glad for me that I had found the way to my rock after all. I told him that there was no way up here. “Well, I know that where you are now is the only place from which one can get onto the rock. There used to be a rope there once, by which one could climb up. If it isn’t there, then I can’t help you in any way. In ten minutes come back to the camp.” I looked around a little more in search of a possible option, but there was no such option in this place. A wave of disappointment and sadness flooded my heart for a short while, and I began to go down. Having gone about five metres and turned a corner, I caught a barely noticeable sign of the mountain. At the level of my knee there was a small projection, onto which it was convenient to put a foot and, pushing off, one could rise onto the rock. I used this hint and began to climb. In my heart excitement and anticipation settled once more. The rock in this place was not completely sheer and one could lie on it. Little by little I began to find what to grab on to and where to put my foot. In front of my nose hung a log, hooked at the top by a branch to a tree that had grown in a cleft of the rock. I grabbed this log with both hands like a rope, and, pushing off with my feet, climbed up to the tree. A little more effort and I was at the top. A few steps brought me out onto the crown of the queen-rock. I opened my arms and shouted to the whole world Tarzan’s victory cry. My chest was torn by emotions of delight and happiness. At that moment the whole world made merry and rejoiced with me. I was not especially bothered whether anyone from my group had seen my triumph at that moment, for the whole world, everything that is in me and outside me, rejoiced and celebrated this moment together with me. This was my second place of power in the Carpathians. The Mother of Trees and the Queen-Rock will now remain for ever in my heart, and their power goes on now together with me and will stay with me to the end… I returned to our tribe, to the camping place where we had left our rucksacks. Each began telling their story, what they had seen, where they had been. I told mine. I shared my delight with the group. But there was something else, deep within me, that I could not share with anyone. A secret energy connection with the queen-rock now exists with me. This secret – a fine energy thread – is very valuable and dear to me. Having put on our rucksacks we went on. Free Wind and I lingered a little, packing clothes into my rucksack, and we had to run a little uphill to catch up with our group. At the rest stop Free Wind and I swapped the bag of power, from then on he carried it and I went light. I quickly overtook the whole group and joined Watching Calm, Talent-Connector, Open Heart and Dream-Guider, who were striding in front. We scrambled up to the very top of the mountain, onto the mountain ridge. A wide road ran along the ridge and we went down it a little way and turned again into the forest on the far side of the mountain ridge. The forest path led us towards new adventures. Open Heart turned out to be ahead of everyone. The path led to two rocky peaks, which ended in a dead end. Open Heart asked Watching whether one could go down there; Watching answered that there was no way there. Further on there was a dead end and we needed to look for a descent somewhere here, before the rocks. I went down first, looking for a safe descent. I clambered down, turned with my stomach to the mountain and clinging to roots. Aware that the rest of the group was coming along in my footsteps, I tried to choose places by which everyone could get down, even Free Wind with the bag of power. After a few steps I found myself on a fairly wide path running along the mountain. Watching called from above that we should go right along this mountain to a passage between the rocks, which was visible ahead, a hundred metres from us. Without waiting for the remaining participants of the group to come down, I wandered forward. Passing between the rocks I saw Open Heart, who was standing in despair on a rock above, three metres over me. Watching Calm, when he came up, took the situation into his own hands. He found a safe place on the rock above the path, where Open Heart could jump down. At that time all the other participants of the group caught up with us. We made a short halt on a mountain ledge. The path led downward and Watching announced that we were going the same way. I went up to Watching Calm and Talent-Connector, who were standing near the rock on which Open Heart sat, inspiring her to jump. I went through the gorge between the rocks and stood on the other side of the dip where Open Heart was to jump down. The girl was very afraid of the choice we were pushing her to. Having realised that it was truly safe and that below, reliable hands and the compassionate hearts of her comrades awaited her, her determination overcame her fear and she jumped. She was delighted with the deed she had accomplished and we greeted her on the small feat she had performed for herself, which opened for her new boundaries of her possibilities and future deeds. Watching went ahead, leading the group to a shelter that had been built, which was somewhere near. We went down the path, then climbed up again, went round the corner of the mountain and went along the slope. Having gone a few hundred metres more and climbed up the mountain, a wonderful sight suddenly opened before us – an enormous cave in the rocks, to which a knocked-together plank ladder led up from below us. Watching said that this was the very place we had been heading for and that we would settle here, warm up, eat, brew tea and go and do practices. I unpacked my rucksack in the cave, in a place where it would not get in anybody’s way. I took out the sleeping mats to sit on and the food that I had brought with me for the journey. Watching Calm said that there were two jobs for true shamans – to light a fire and to bring water. I chose the trip for water to the stream, I had a wish to do it, and Free Wind took on the fire. I took the bottle that lay here at the top, my own little mug which I had brought with me on the trek, climbed down the ladder and set off down the slope of the mountain. Below, a mountain stream was murmuring. I chose a place for a safer descent. The ground underfoot was wet and slippery from the rain which had been pouring constantly in those days and practically never stopped. I slipped several times and fell twice before I reached the stream. Having chosen the place I liked best, I scooped water with the mug into the bottle.

On the way up I got a little lost and went too far to the right. At the top I realised it, and turning left I went along the mountain, and two minutes later came out at our camp. The place where we had stopped was very cleverly hidden, and it could only be discovered by coming right up to the foot of the rocky outcrop on which the cave was located. All the participants of our tribe who were not busy lighting the fire sat in a circle on the sleeping mats and joined hands. Only Free Wind and Watching Calm kept apart and in the far corner of the cave tried to get a fire going. The firewood had got so damp over those days that it was almost impossible to kindle. I joined the common circle, having handed the flask of water and the mug to Desired Woman, who was very thirsty. The mug of water went round the circle and everyone tasted the clean mountain water. Everyone was very glad and drank with enormous pleasure the mountain water that carries life force in itself and nourishes with itself all the life of the mountain. We joined hands again and began to breathe in time. Our common breathing united and became a force that united and transformed us. Talent-Connector told us to look at what we were thinking about now, what unfinished business was still holding us in the city and other places and not letting us be here and now totally, Picture them in the form of energy threads. Closing my eyes I saw several bundles of energy threads going out from my cocoon in different directions and feeding with my energy various events and people in the outer world. I spun my cocoon, pulling all the threads as taut as possible, and snapped them all, putting a silver energy cylinder over my energy cocoon. Now nothing prevented me from being totally in the present moment and receiving this experience to the full. Having taken a few deep breaths in and out, I came out of the vision and returned to the body. The colours became brighter and the feelings and sensations deeper. Some subtle sensations sharpened and I began to feel better and more deeply the spirit of the forest and the stream and the mountain and every participant of the trek. My attention was whole and where it rested I could feel everything much more deeply and clearly. The fire blazed up and we put on a pan of water with forest twigs that we had gathered on the way here. Half an hour later the tea of forest herbs was ready. By then I had managed to go down to the stream for water once more. When I came back the food had almost been swept away, leaving me my share of the common provisions that we had taken for the journey. I joined the meal and ten minutes later the lads took the pan of tea off the fire and we poured it into all the vessels we had brought with us. Having drunk tea and warmed up, we got ready to go on. Watching Calm called everyone to a practice and the camp came to life again, stirred in hurried packing. I felt so wet and chilled that, going up to the fire, I told Watching that I was not going anywhere, but would stay and tend the fire. The tribe left and I stayed alone by the fire. I waited until the pan of tea boiled, quietly took it off and threw some damp wood on the fire. Having chopped and prepared some more wood for the fire I neatly stacked it in a pile next to the fire, laid my mat closer to the flames and dozed off. I was woken by a shout. “Waterfall!” I heard. “Waterfall, come here!” Yes, Waterfall is me, so it means they are calling me. The voice sounds like Free Wind’s, and if so then I really must go. I got up, threw all the prepared branches onto the fire and ran towards Free Wind’s voice. I ran up the rock, a little higher than the place of our camp. Free Wind was waiting for me there. Having climbed to the very top we went into a narrow passage between the rocks. It was the very place where Open Heart had jumped. Not having noticed this passage, we had made a big circle of half a kilometre of walking. Now Free Wind and I ran down a very steep and slippery descent to all our friends. We went down and climbed a little to the other side of the mountain. The tribe stood in a circle, waiting for Free Wind and me. We took our places in the circle by our sensations. In the centre a shamanic wheel had been laid out of branches and stones. Four stones lay exactly at the four sides of the world – west, north, east and south. In the centre of the wheel lay one more stone, joined by branches-rays to all four sides. All the stones were also joined by branches laid in a circle. I stood in the north-west, I felt this place as my own at the moment. Talent-Connector began to speak and introduce us to the practice. The north was associated with winter, wind, death, each person’s own Self, when a person is left alone with themselves. The east is associated with spring, the element of water, birth, love, attachment and the single force that unites people and all living things. The south is summer, strength, youth, the element of fire, energy. These are friends, fame, popularity and connections. The west is autumn, the element of earth, maturity, old age, practicality, the fruits of work done, material goods and values, material realisation. It was not for nothing that my power showed me my place in the north-west. It really is time for me to stand on my own feet and to realise my ideas and plans. Free Wind stood opposite in the south-east. Following Talent-Connector we began to sing the sounds of the elements. The first sound was the sound of earth. A very low, womb-deep sound from the very depths of each participant of the ritual. It seemed that the trees and the mountains were sounding together with us now. Mother earth responded to our singing with a light vibration in the soles of our feet. Next came the sound of fire. The strong, all-sweeping energy of the sound of fire coming from our circle spread wide and the mountains answered us with their mighty vibration. I felt heat and a fullness of strength, of energy in the area of the solar plexus. There was the centre of my inner fire, of my inner strength. The next sound was the sound of water. A clean, sincere and deep sound from the centre of the chest, like water. The energy of our song enveloped us, turned our sounding into a common space liquid as milk; at that moment a real hurricane rose, rain began to fall. The storm scattered everything around us. Branches, sleeping mats, clothes flew in different directions from our circle. We stood in the epicentre of the hurricane and it was unclear whether we were its cause or whether it had been drawn by our call. A real downpour began and within a minute we were soaked to the skin. But despite the raging storm we continued the ritual. The next sound was the sound of air. It was the highest sound that each of us was capable of. The centre of this sound was the head. At the centre of the intersection between the eyebrows, where according to some beliefs the chakra of the third eye is located, I felt a resonant vibration with the sound I was making. It was a high and powerful sound, and it was as if from the centre of my head a ray of energy came out and with the vibration of the sound of air spread through all the space around me. The storm did not subside but only grew stronger. We finished sounding and unclasped our hands. Those who wanted went to get a raincoat or cape. Everyone lined up at the southern stone. Now each participant was living through the life period of the south, and so entry into the shamanic wheel was from the south for all participants of the ritual. One by one, and by their inner sensations, everyone entered the circle and in turn approached all the stones, communicating on an individual level with each element separately. Those who had been through and come out gathered and silently went off to the place of our camp, under the shelter and protection of the mountains, observing their experiences in silence. I went in almost at the very end. Wet through as I was, I was in no hurry and afraid of nothing. Approaching the central stone I felt an inner push of power to the west. That’s where I go. I walked slowly, unhurried. By the stone I felt the energy of the west. In a strange way it was associated for me with my parents. I needed first of all now to resolve my problems of understanding and relations with my relatives, and this is connected with my material wellbeing. Then I was drawn to the east. The feminine energy of the east waited for me and believed in me and love in my heart spilled out in raspberry-coloured rivulets. I was happy in the east, but it is not the final point of my life’s journey. Turning, letting go of the love, I returned to the central stone. Now my power led me to the north. The northern stone was the centre of my power. My Source was in the north. I can always come there and there I will be truly at home. Having talked with the north and bidden it farewell for a short while, I went back to the southern gates of the shamanic wheel. In those days all of nature was on the side of people seeking understanding and interaction with it. All of nature and all the elements helped and guided us on our path. Leaving the shamanic wheel as we had laid it out, Free Wind and I led all the remaining participants of the group back to the camp by the short way through the gorge. We went through the pouring rain up a hard and slippery climb and down an equally hard and slippery descent. Each with their own personal feelings and experiences. When we arrived the wood was still smouldering, but we did not light the fire again. Sitting down under the overhang of the rocks in the cave we poured the still warm tea into the vessels. The rain had stopped, but everyone was by now completely soaked and smeared with mud. Watching Calm suggested that we go through one more deep practice, precisely while we were all wet and dirty and had not changed. I think everyone accepted the suggestion with pleasure. Everyone agreed to the continuation of the spiritual banquet. “The practice is called the Birth Canal,” Watching began to tell us. “Not far from here there is a cave going into the depths for ten metres. It can be passed only by crawling on your belly, pushing off with only your hands and feet. Each of us will be able to pass, but each may have their own insights. Fear may arise, a long-forgotten fear, but one reminded of itself inside the birth canal. Those who go, imagine that you are going into your new life. Leave what hinders you here on this side of the birth canal, and when you climb out imagine that you are entering a new life, with new strength and new energy. Imagine how you would like to be born and what you would like to bring into the world in your new birth. It is desirable to pass through the birth canal with such thoughts. It is very powerful and somewhat akin to the practices of awareness of death. After all, we meet the fear of death for the first time there, in the birth canals of our mothers, even before we appear in the world.” I thought that this is probably why newborns always cry, because they receive an enormous shock and stress at birth, they meet for the first time a real threat of physical death and enter the struggle for the right to exist in the world. Having listened to the parting words we followed Watching into a narrow passage in the depths of the cave, which brought us at once into another enormous cave on the other side of the rock. We all gathered in a circle and, taking each other by the shoulders, alternately, we joined our heads together and froze like that for a few seconds, each catching their own sensations. At that moment we were one whole, a new energy field, and in a few minutes we would come out one by one From one birth canal and become brothers and sisters at the end of the ritual. The first to crawl into the canal was White Harrier, as soon as Watching Calm showed her the place of entry. We agreed on a certain signal, which each newborn person gave. Next Watching climbed in, and when he crawled out and gave the signal we saw him come out on the other side of the rock. Between the cave and the ledge on which Watching stood yawned a chasm. It was quite high to fall to the ground, and the distance between the edge of the ledge and the exit from our cave to the outside was about two metres, and simply jumping over the chasm was not possible. Watching Calm was, as always, very resourceful. He pointed out to Wish-Fulfiller a broken tree lying not far from the cave. At the exit of the cave a narrow path began, running along the rock and leading out, onto a gentle slope of the mountain, from where the forest began. There at the exit lay that felled little tree which Watching had noticed and pointed out. The tree was quite long, but without a root. It was the top of an ash. It fitted perfectly and lay between the rocks and over the chasm. Leaning it closer to the rock, Watching Calm was the first to walk along it back to us in the cave. Leaning on the rock with his hands he took two steps along the log over the chasm and came out already on our side. Meanwhile a live queue had formed in front of the birth canal and all the participants one after another went in and came out of the canal on the other side. Each passed through the birth canal differently and in a different amount of time. People got stuck and cried there. It was a personal experience and a very intimate one for each participant, which will stay with them for ever. Free Wind overcame this test very quickly and easily. Only two minutes before I had seen him off with my eyes at the entrance, and then I hear his clap and a joyful cry of “I am” from the other side of the birth canal. When my turn came I did not fully realise what awaited me inside, but I was fully present in the moment when I began my passage. The walls of the cave were very narrow, my back pressed against the ceiling. My shoulders went through, but my arms I could hold either in front of my head or along my torso. I stretched one arm forward and lying on my belly, pushing off with my toes from the sand that covered the whole floor of the cave, I pulled myself along with my elbows and the palms of my hands. I moved slowly but purposefully along the canal, thinking of nothing at all, only of the movement. I simply watched how I advanced inch by inch towards the exit. In the moment of movement there was neither fear nor any other feelings, only movement and joy mixed with delight at coming out of the canal. My three new little sisters delivered the baby, and were very glad of the newborn boy. They greeted me and rejoiced with me at my new birth. I embraced each of them in turn and was very glad of my new family. I returned back by going over the log across the rock. Those who wanted went back through the birth canal, and those who were not afraid ended this practice by walking over the log above the chasm. These two stages of the practice were both equal to each other and both ways of returning to the cave were equal to each other. When everyone had returned to the place of our camp we all embraced, proclaimed one another from now on our brothers and sisters and congratulated one another on the new birth and the beginning of a new life. Watching Calm announced a general muster and a departure from the spot in fifteen minutes. We quickly began to gather and pack all our things and change out of wet clothes, if anyone had spare dry ones. I changed my shirt and socks, Free Wind put on his dry sweater, we packed the bag together and as usual while we were packing our group had already set off and we had to catch up with the rest. Somehow dragging the rucksack down the little ladder we ran downhill after everyone. At the rest stop Free Wind and I swapped and he wanted to carry our bag of power on the way back. He said that he felt lightness and satisfaction from the burden he carries on his shoulders on the trek. At such moments I was proud of him. To me, too, the burden that was on my shoulders gave extraordinary strength and cheerfulness of spirit, and with it, on the way, at a halt or on the road, I could help or treat someone to something, or generally do something for friends on the journey with the help of what I carry on myself. Though there were only the most necessary things there, there were enough for a long trek in the mountains.

Since I was walking light, I decided to help Yan gather edible mushrooms along the way. The agreement was to walk in silence and I tried to keep silent, but my ears involuntarily listened to the conversation between Yan and Colourful Path, who were walking a little behind me. Their talk about overcoming fears and about what fear itself actually is gripped me, and I involuntarily put in my two pennyworth. Noticing this I ran ahead, catching up with the group, which had already gone half a hundred metres forward. Having stopped somewhere in the middle between those in front and those lagging behind, I walked on in silence and solitude. Ahead flowed a stream with no ford across it. The water was ankle-deep, but simply jumping it was impossible. Remembering the recent conversation about fears I stepped into the stream without taking my shoes off and crossed it in two steps, one on the shallows at the start and the second at the end. It was akin to an initiation rite: having overcome some inner barrier, an inner fear, I understand that it was over nothing and that there is nothing behind it. I heard the squelching and laughter of my friends behind me. Five metres further this same stream turned back towards us from the other side. There was even less hesitation this time than the last, and again in two decisive steps I waded across it. When fifty metres further this same stream crossed our path again, and no longer surprised that there was neither a little bridge nor stones for a dry crossing, I strode along the stream without breaking my usual stride and rhythm, as if I were walking on land and not on water. It was no longer an inner obstacle of any kind for me. I just walked along the stream. Five hundred metres on, having passed through a village, we came out onto the road that led from Ivano-Frankivsk to the Tustan fortress. There was a sign here saying it was twelve kilometres on foot to the village of Skole. We all made a halt as a camp and Watching phoned for our minibus to come and pick us up. Someone in the group noticed, not far off, along one of the roads of the crossroads where we had stopped, a small grocery shop. We all went to it together to buy something to nibble on. Wish-Guider, in keeping with his status, stood at the end of the queue, saying that he would guide everyone’s wishes, after which he would buy himself what he wanted. We laughed over those words for a long time afterwards. Free Wind and I stood somewhere in the middle of the queue and bought two hot teas, half a kilo of biscuits and an ice cream each. By the time everyone else had finished their purchases we had managed to have a snack and began to share the biscuits with those of our brothers and sisters who wanted to eat them. The bus drove right up to the door of the shop, and each with what they had and what they had bought, in turn we loaded into the bus and, snacking with inspiration, drove back to Skole, to our dear and beloved shelter. We had supper to our heart’s content, eating as though it were lunch and supper together. Whoever wanted could ask for a double portion of both borscht and porridge. I ate two borschts and one porridge and was full and content. A warm shower put me in order, and I got a great deal more pleasure from the sitting around and the stories in the sauna. In the evening before bed we sat in a common circle and each shared their impressions of the day lived. Watching Calm and Talent-Connector said that we were setting out early tomorrow morning, at five o’clock, and would meet the dawn already on the mountain. I had already painted in my imagination a marvellous dawn on the summit of one of the mountains tomorrow morning, and with such bright and shining dreams I fell asleep until morning.