Vipassana / May 2011

Anna Dobrovolskaya /Blossoming Apple Tree/

Будь у меня ковер плетеный райский,
Сотканный золотым иль серебристым светом,

Будь черный, синий иль другой,
Будь цвета ночи, дня иль полусвета он —
Я расстелил б его перед тобой!

Но я бедняк и у меня лишь грезы,
Я простираю грезы под ноги тебе,
Ступай по ним легко, мои ты топчешь грезы… /У.Йетс/

In every person’s life there are turning-point events, after which a new count of time begins, a new state, a renewed view of life. For me, such a turning point, a zeroing of my former programme, was the shamanic camp in May 2011.

I would probably call my trip to the Carpathian Mountains a journey to some magical land, very much like the way the children in “The Chronicles of Narnia” travelled through a wardrobe or a picture on the wall. Arriving in a completely different reality, one might even say a different dimension, and staying there had an exceptionally healing effect.

I really liked the inner state when, tearing myself away from everything familiar, everything that has surrounded me for years, I switch off my phone, put on a cloak of invisibility for my family and friends, and walk on, returning to myself, taking off the social masks that have become unnecessary. It turns out that a certain courage is needed to devote your time to yourself. All of this turned into a general clean-up.

I took stock, looked at my mistakes, and at the same time understood what they were for, flung open the windows and doors, washed the floors and lit a light in the farthest little corners – at first it hurts and is frightening, and afterwards there is a sense of spaciousness and “it’s easy to breathe”. Exactly so. Yes, to get to know yourself it was worth travelling to the ends of the earth.

Thank you to the Guide for the path he chose and the place for the camp. I had never before been in such a beautiful and welcoming place of power.

A strange feeling that we had been expected. You could feel a living and very powerful Presence, before which for the first time I felt a sense of reverence.

The help and support were colossal and, perhaps for this reason, many processes that were quite deep and painful went very gently. As though after an operation you forget about it within 5 minutes.

And running like a red thread through the whole camp was the receiving of enormous pleasure from everything that happened, beginning with opening my eyes in the morning, my own in-breath and out-breath, yoga on the sunny morning slope, a cup of tea with a rusk – a pleasure sharper than any I had ever had to experience.

A very beautiful way of living opened up – taking pleasure in the fact that you simply… simply want to live… to laugh, to cry, to whisper, to kiss, to forget, to embrace, to take offence, to be angry, to return, and to love, love, love… Life, just as it is… In-breath, out-breath… Hurray! Contact! With myself! I have found!! Myself!!

A feeling of being “outside time” appeared, a sense of myself here and now, the mind no longer even wanting to run back and forth – behind there is nothing of the kind, and ahead… ahead everything is possible. There are many variants; in the game of “guess what”, or rather the game of “waiting”, you can strain yourself. But somehow I lost the wish to. And in this relaxed drifting to catch the state of “keeping your nose to the wind” and act, gathering yourself in the present moment.

I thank Life as a miracle …
Just as it is, and in it simply happens what happens.
Freed from the search for meaning… simply, interestingly alive.

Such a healing dream happened to me, about how I am, and around me is a safe and wise life that cares, supports, explains, answers questions. And every new day is so interesting…

Photographs in the text by the Guide Sergey Kryzhanovsky http://northwind.gallery.ru/